That One Time I Heard God Speak Through My Dead Pilea
In this last year I have become almost completely consumed in house plants. Literally, I have 42 out in our mud room waiting to vacate the house. I will let you guess how many are in the living room.
It all started with one little two inch pilea. I went into my favorite coffee store that shares a space with a plant shop (I know, this is actually what dreams are made of), and on a whim bought that little cutie for $10. I was really surprised how much I loved it, and how much life it brought to our home, and joy to my eyes. I watched it grow rather quickly and even moved it up a couple of sizes to a bigger pot.
As any parent of young babes will tell you, toddlers and houseplants (houseplants within reach that is) aren’t necessarily a winning combination. My sweet little two year old man child did as many would, and ripped every single leaf off of it. I think there were teeth marks on some. It was already a bad day, and had just gotten much worse. You know when you feel like your life is ending and then something super unimportant happens but it makes your whole world come crashing down? No? Just me? Ok cool. Anyways, I immediately pulled the plant out of the pot and headed straight to trash can, half in rage, half in sadness over my little plant, I tossed it in. In that same moment I heard the Lord say, “don’t throw it away” ok, now I know He was talking about more than the plant but that’s where I started. I reluctantly scooped it up and repotted this skinny, sad, naked stick. I wasn’t sure what I was waiting on, am I supposed to watch this thing die for real or something? I didn’t think it could come back.
A couple of months go by, no leaves, but also it didn’t look completely dead, so it sat there and waited some more. Some time later I finally saw what looked like a new leaf developing. Within days, there is was! One itty bitty green leaf on my little plant, I was overjoyed! It didn’t look pretty and cute like it was before but I was so proud, and so excited. I stared at that thing all the time, and I blessed the crap out of that thing— yeah I’m one of those plant talkers 😅 as the weeks went by I kept getting more leaves and by mid spring it looked like a real plant again. Bigger, better and with a story to tell. I’m pretty sure it was some time along there that I fell into the rabbit hole of house plants but that’s kind of a different story. Not long after that I was crying to the Lord on my couch about my life and how impossible and broken it is, you’ve been there, right? I heard the Lord say “Look at your plant” and I see it, and it’s beautiful, but a pretty plant isn’t the only thing I need in my life. And then I heard Him say, “ this is your resurrection plant” and I lost it. What was once a pretty plant and then a dead one, and then a waiting game, turned pretty plant yet again, was all of a sudden hope. Hope of life, and resurrection, in my home and in my family.
It was a monument and a living symbol of God and His faithfulness. His beauty and creativity on display before me. In this last year I’ve felt more raw and a mess than I have in over a decade— shout out to those of you who knew 2012 Toni who could be caught crying 96% of the time. 😉 In a lot of ways I’ve been alone and even felt that toward the Lord, of course it’s never true, but those damn emotions can play tricks sometimes, can’t they? But in this moment I felt the hug of Jesus and this sweet reality that He found a way to get through to me. He got me a hobby that wasn’t just for the sake of pretty plants and a nice environment in our home. In a lot of ways I think He has used these plants to save my life. I know that’s a stupid thing to say, truly I deleted it three times, but it’s difficult to articulate how the Lord is bringing deep healing in my life as I tend to all these living things, and invite His life, creation and beauty into my world.
But here’s the part I really want to leave you with is that I actually used to hate plants. And flowers, anything that didn’t give me something in exchange for caring for it. Tomato plants in the summer, sure! Strawberries? All day! Flowers? Why though? I just was not into it. I had this strange belief system that if it was purely for enjoyment it was wasteful. I really strived to be minimalistic in the first few years of our marriage, the less stuff the better! I also longed to have my home be a place of refuge, for our family and for those visiting. It felt like the two values couldn’t co exist, but I would force it if I had to. I would read these inspiring books about homemaking and being a mother and it felt like there were always these tidbits about adding a plant here to liven up the place, put some welcoming decor there, and I just wasn’t buying it, I didn’t think I needed it, and I know I didn’t want it. Let me insert here by saying I don’t need it, but my eyes have been opened to see the beauty in creating a space, and a home, and using what you have. It’s ok to put down roots. Making a space to dwell and to live in also makes a space for the Holy Spirit to come and dwell. I want the Lord to know He’s welcome in my home, and I made this place for Him to dwell and speak and live with us. I felt the presence of God in our empty newlywed “minimalistic” apartment. I feel the presence of God here in our home, where my aim is usher in light and life, where I want people to rest and linger and be refreshed. Both work, but one is intentionally sending a message and making room for Jesus to come and move. I’m not saying you have to fill your home with crap, I still love to purge and I think I always will. Im saying I trusted the Lord, and I also tried something new. I discovered a part of who I was made to be that I wasn’t fully allowing myself to walk into, because of my own made up rules and fake values. So try something new, make some room in your world for God to speak and to move in a new way. Let Him show you more of who He made you to be, and let Him show you the grace that he has for whatever season you might be in. Don’t give up hope, pick that plant up out of the trash can and wait on the Lord just a little bit longer.