Dishwashing With My Son, Dishwashing With Jesus

This evening after dinner I was washing dishes at the sink while our oldest did the drying and putting away. We are living in the Stone Age and don’t have a functioning dish washer in 2022 😅

We’ve been in an on going process of everyone doing “jobs” after dinner. We all work together at the same time putting our home *mostly* back in order as we wind down for the night. It’s been such a journey getting the kids in a good rhythm with helping out around the house.

I’ve never known something to be so controversial in the parenting world than the topic of whether you should involve your kids in house work or not. If you do, how much, and in what ways? And what about “allowance” the list goes on and on. It’s funny to me how many people think a child is being robbed of some sort of childhood right by helping out and having a sense of ownership in the home. In our house it seemed so natural with each child, they watch us and they see how we live and they want to do it to. If you’re taking care of the home they want to do it along side of you, because they want to be with you. Of course all of this usually happens around the age of two when we don’t really want their help (even though they look as cute as a button pushing that Melissa and Doug broom around!) Resisting the  “please stop, you’re doing it wrong” response is very hard🙈 of course I would never say that out loud (but aren’t we all thinking it a bit in the moment) so I just make it work for the most part. Sometimes our toddler’s help isn’t that helpful, but it’s not always getting the job done that matters. By the time our babes are a bit more capable practically, they seem to have grown out of cleaning and helping for the fun of it, so it’s become mine and Cam’s job to still bring them along and instill in them a value for taking care of what’s ours and serving the ones around us.

I think sometimes in stay at home mom land you can feel the pressure to do everything on your own. If you aren’t doing everything for your entire family (who is very capable of doing many things on their own) you are being selfish, or you need to sacrifice more, you’re not doing YOUR job, or dare I say you’re one of those burn down the patriarchy feminists. In case you’re feeling any of those things I’ll be the first to tell you that’s likely not true. Sometimes when we do everything for everyone all of the time, we are really doing them a disservice. You can serve your family well, not heap unfair burdens on your children, and also expect that everyone helps out. It’s not a knock on the homemaker, its not a lazy wife, it’s a part of being a person, being a family and living alongside people.

When our two oldest started school this year, after the first week they asked if they could make their own lunches. I was a bit relieved, and also felt a little bad, mainly for the reasons above. They aren’t even home for lunch, now they are making their own lunch too, how will they know I care about them, how can I serve them?! There’s still so many ways! The fact that they want to take ownership over something that is theirs is a blessing. There’s also times they randomly ask me to make it for them. I don’t mind, and I’m happy to do it, sometimes we do it together, and that’s even sweeter. I know everyone is different, I think most of the families I know are actually a bit more fend for yourself in this area, and the natural consequence of not following through is, well, you don’t eat lunch. I think that’s great, but I also don’t think it’s where we are at in this season, and with our kids ages, and that’s ok! Everyone is going to do things differently and we have find out what works for our family and within our home. I know every influencer will tell you they are the ones who do it right— which means everyone else is wrong, but family life, our rhythms, routines, our culture, they need to be shaped by us and by the leadership of the Holy Spirit. They are influenced by the specific roles, functions and God given designs of the people in your home, and obviously that’s different for everyone. There are practical realities, if Cam and I tried to run our home like we did 5 years ago when we had two kids and lived a very low maintenance life— with a lot more control, and very young children, we would die! So here we are carving out what works for us now. This might change over the years, but we are trying to establish values in our kids, and that does look like cleaning and working, and doing it together.

It was such a joy to work alongside of my son and do the dishes, happily, neither of us complaining, but also neither of us really focusing on the task at hand. There is so much rich opportunity in the mundane tasks of life for the character of Christ to be cultivated and practiced in our lives. I think about the principle of relationship and connection,  doing things out of love. When we stood there and worked alongside each other we didn’t stop and talk or wait for after we were done to have a moment to connect, we did our work from a place of connection. There was lots of movement and craziness all around us, and we weren’t having a heart to heart by any means, but we were connected. Doing work in the home with our kids gives us the opportunity to teach sacrifice: it’s not fun, I don’t want to scrape this mornings cheerios off of the floor with a pastry cutter either son, but here we are together on the floor, doing it. It’s serving: yes, I know you didn’t make this mess, neither did I, let’s clean it together, it doesn’t really matter who made it.

I could do all these things on my own and just do it unto the Lord, and allow Him to refine my character, give me patience and grow in love, and I do! But if my goal in being a godly mother is raise up a bunch of lovers of Jesus, lovers who are known by their love for each other, doesn’t it seem like im robbing myself of the most likely and practical opportunity by not starting in the home first? Or more, robbing our babes of opportunities to grow in obedience to the Lord, and to their own refining character and becoming more like Christ. Housework is not just training for future wives and moms. It’s training for the Lord, and young babes are blessed to partake in it. In our home many hands make light work. I’ll always go the extra mile and fill in the gaps, but everyone is invited and asked to do their part. I think it’s and honor and a gift, one that we get to give to one another and as well to the Lord. I’m thankful for sweet memories of our twins chucking dishes into the sink after dinner time to help clear the table— they aren’t tall enough to reach, so they figured out how to make it work. Although I will say that a few good dishes were sacrificed *shattered* at their expense.

I love walking into the living room and seeing my bigs sitting on the floor matching up socks like it’s a game and sorting them into piles. They work together, without complaining, they are capable of doing a great job. It’s not always this story, sometimes it’s messy, things get broken, people can have bad attitudes. Isn’t this true of all of us though? Do you ever have those days where the sink is overflowing before you’ve finished that first cup of coffee and you start your day with a here we go again attitude? What if we were given more opportunities to work our character out as a child, but in an atmosphere of love, not “do this or get a spanking”. What if we were their safe place to learn that hard isn’t bad, that we can do more than we think we can, and that the fruit of the Spirit are things that grow and develop, things that can enlarge to an unlimited capacity. What if we taught our kids that most of our life with the Lord is actually lived out in the practical day to day nitty gritty work. Nothing with God is compartmentalized, he doesn’t wait for us to be in the right space, or at the right church service to talk with us, be with us, or fellowship with us.

There’s a song Sarah McMillan sings that I love so much, no it’s not King Of My Heart, although, come on that’s just going to be the best song forever and always. There’s a song she has called Walk Around My House and I just love it so much. It’s really fun and honestly sometimes when cam and I listen to it we are more silly than anything about it, but the reality of the song is a true cry of my heart. In the season of littles especially, most of our life is lived out in our home. I want Jesus to come and dwell here. I want Him to be welcome at all times, and in all that I’m doing. I want Him to walk around my home while I’m doing the dishes, sweeping for the tenth time that day, trying to control myself with my kids when I really want to just give into that creeping frustration. I want to know that He’s here always, not just believe it as a value, but experience it.

The days of being single and working some 20-30 hour job where I could spend as much controlled time with the Lord as I wanted to are gone. You know what I mean— that baller IHOP playlist with the OG Cory and Misty for days! The right lighting, maybe a candle, digging into the word and just pouring out your heart to the Lord. I’m so thankful for those days, that I was saved and raised up in a culture that valued His presence, and prayer. I’m thankful for the rich deposits I got to make in my history with the Lord in those times. Where I learned how to pray, where I buried the word in my heart— not that it’s a one and done thing, I’m still called to, but this is just to say I’m grateful that I used so much of my time in the right way. Now a days it’s more like reading a small passage from my phone here or there while the kids play or climb on me. Listening to worship music as we go about our day and getting caught off guard by a moment with the Lord in the middle of a magnatile session. There’s times where I feel like I’m making a withdrawal on something from years ago, a scripture I had memorized that comes alive all of sudden just when I need it. Not in the middle of cracking open my Bible in a quiet home with a fresh cup of coffee, but maybe when I’m on the verge of tears and doing the everyday work of life and need something to cling to.

Learning to encounter Jesus in an instant, in the everyday, and when your world is swirling around has been a gift. I’m not saying it’s easy or always happens this way, but what I am saying is it’s not uncommon for my kids to walk into the kitchen and see me at the sink and also know that I’m talking to Jesus, not just scrubbing plates. My kids have caught me crying while folding laundry and asked me what’s wrong and I can say, oh well mommy was feeling sad and I started talking to Jesus about it.

Here’s the thing, housework, the everyday stuff, it’s all sacred, it’s not untouched or unseen by God. He will meet us in it if we make room, if we invite Him and allow Him. I want my kids to know that we live our whole lives with Jesus. That we believe in a person, not just in rules. We aren’t just trying  to get them to be a certain way, do these things. I want them to know that God can come alive to them when they are doing their jobs here in the home, that all this life is made to be in relationship with Him, and with each other. I want to expose them and give them opportunities to see this and live this. As they make their choice to call themselves His I want them to know that means at all times and in all ways, He’s not a far away God, or a Sunday’s only, or only when you have the right amount of space and time to give Him. He’s everywhere and and He’s always longing to be near to us, even in the mundane space of washing the dishes.