BABY NUMBER SIX!!!
Baby. Number. SIX!
It’s hard to believe I just typed that out.
This fall, Cam and I decided to send our two oldest babes to school. It was such a hard decision to make, because if I’m not a homeschool mom, who am I?! It felt like a new season for our family, we thought we were done having babies (for the moment) I had a real period for the first time in over 6 years 🙈 (also I’ve been nursing at least one -sometimes two children for over SIX years!)
Anyways, we were looking forward to going into a different season, and a place the Lord had led us to. Well, no more than one week exactly after school started (the time in which all of our kiddos got hand, foot, and mouth) did we find out, surprise! We are pregnant! I was shocked! And if you know me this is not our first or our second “surprise” baby! I laughed, prayed, and blessed this tiny little human inside of me. And then, I cried! And then I called Cam!
I don’t know how all of you like to tell your husband you are pregnant, but we don’t have any sweet romantic stories. Either we know that we know so the test is confirmation, and Cam is waiting outside the door while I pee, or I just matter-of-factly let him know, “Hey I took a test today and we are pregnant!“ to which he always responds, “Are you sure?!” And then we laugh! Well, though we have been surprised before this time was probably the most unexpected — like we both kept saying, how did we do that?! In fact, I was so surprised I called him as soon as I found out, I couldn’t wait until he was done with work. He happened to be in the car on his way to a super long meeting. To say he was floored would be an understatement, and the poor guy had to try and keep a straight face going into his meeting. As I write this we are about 12 weeks pregnant, and though the shock has worn off, the craziness of this season feels like it’s just starting to ramp up.
It’s so easy to find ourselves responding to life out of our fears and complaining about our blessings. Life is confusing, and oftentimes very hard, but I want to fight to keep my heart in the right spot, and cling to the promises and truths of Jesus and who He is to me and our family while we walk through hard times. I don’t want to pretend like life isn’t happening, or fall in with the “name it and claim it” crowd. I believe you can be full of faith and also feel the pressure of the world. I think you can feel the wind but not be shaken.
One of my favorite artists is Andy Squyres, if you haven’t heard him, please stop reading this right now and go play his music on Spotify. Then after you pick yourself up off the floor, come back and read this. He has this lyric that says “..Still praise is the song that I’m singing, even though sorrow is my tune..” This is it, this is what I’m talking about. Now to be clear I’m not trying to say I’m all “woe is me” about having another baby. We are actually really excited. We love our babies. Cameron and I will have these conversations like, “Babe, no one will ever know how rich we are.” We know true wealth. The Lord measures wealth so differently than us, and more than any other thing in the entire Bible, children are the mark of blessing from Him.
This is the highest gift he gives us on this earth — if we aren’t talking about He Himself of course. And more than that He sees children as HIS inheritance. What a gift that we get to RETURN to the Lord one day. No one else can do this but humanity, and there will be a day when there’s no more procreating! Now is the time when we populate Heaven, I’m quite certain we aren’t going to be having babies in heaven. The angels don’t get to do this, only we have this great privilege, here on earth, what a gift! This is true wealth, and I haven’t even gotten to the part where these wonderful little humans are so amazing, and sweet, and half of you and half of your best friend, and you get the honor of watching their God-given design unfold before your eyes. And the privilege of pointing them back to Jesus, sacrificing your time and life to raise them, because it’s worthy work. This is wealth, this I know.
So what am I saying? Well, I’m saying that to the mom who has had “enough” babies and no longer gets congratulated or gets looked at as though she’s irresponsible, keep celebrating, you have true wealth. To the parents having a baby in really inconvenient circumstances (ahem, me!) keep trusting the Lord. There’s no “convenient” time to have a baby. There’s never enough money, help, or time, yet the Lord still chooses to bless and bring forth life. I’m saying that I won’t be so overcome by all the pieces that aren’t fitting together in our life right now that I forget the main purpose and true call. I want my babies to know they are a blessing. I want my family to know love isn’t contingent on comfort, and wealth comes from the Lord. When life is unexpected and it’s hard to believe we are blessed in one way and not another that God is still in control. We know His voice, we are led by His Spirit and called according to His purpose. God is raising up families who are willing to dig their heels in. Who carry the pro-life message everywhere they go, because with them come many tiny humans full of life. A countercultural people who are willing to be looked at, mocked, and more, and yet carry on because we know what we are called to, and we know the true wealth we have. It’s with great joy and a lot of uncertainty that we enter this season yet again. The never-ending too personal questions about birth control, backhanded comments, even from people in the church, it’s all worth it. As we continue to lay our lives down and keep our eyes on the prize, Jesus will continue to meet us where we are, giving us all we truly need, and rewarding us with more and more of Himself.
So yes, it is hard, yes we are stretched, and yes we find ourselves crying at our hardships, and that’s ok. Raising one child is hard. Raising one child with great support and amazing grandparents is still hard. Raising six for the most Part just the two of us, since family isn’t near, it feels impossible, and we aren’t going to pretend like it’s not. This should be hard. If it’s not hard, are you really giving it your all? That’s been an interesting thing for me. This last year has almost broken me in a lot of ways. This is stretching and hard, but doesn’t that come with the territory? Isn’t it a sign of the Lord’s increase? Literally in this case! I think people think walking in the Lord's grace just means there’s constant ease and a carefree thing about it, but sometimes life is just hard, and that stretching is because you are being stretched, your family is physically getting bigger, your kids are getting bigger, this is beautiful and this is hard!
“Enlarge the place of your tent, and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out; do not hold back; lengthen your cords and strengthen your stakes.” Isaiah 54:2 ESV
When I had my oldest I gave everything I had and put it into being a mother. I had no one to look to, some of you know my mom died when I was very young and I never really had any other mother figure. I wasn’t very close with my mother-in-law, and at the time Cam had just been let go from his job as a worship pastor at a church, so we were looking for a church to land at and had no community. These circumstances were so hard, but what a gift to lean into the Lord during this first call to motherhood. People always look at me when they have one or two kids and think I must have it so much harder or be so much more exhausted etc. and I respond with, probably not! I’ve given all I have in every stage, whether it’s one child or soon-to-be six.
This is the moment I became a new mom (again). I’m wearing three of my babes, while the fourth is busy being a silly three year old. The house is trashed in case you can’t tell. This was a lonely, impossible, hilarious, and sweet season I’m so grateful for.
We give our everything, and as the Lord enlarges our tent, a new grace for what he has given us comes with that stretching. The provisions for the season. New thresholds of what we can pour out, but whether it’s one child or twelve, we are pouring out all that we have. There aren’t passive seasons of twiddling our thumbs because we have “just one” motherhood is full-time, requiring all of us at all times. Though our capacity can increase as the Lord stretches and provides, the call of motherhood is the same, and His grace and provisions for each season are there for the mom in every situation.
So cry your heart out to the Lord, make that third cup of coffee, go on that walk even in the pouring rain because if you don’t get out of the house you might explode, whatever you need to do, do it. Just don’t forget why you’re doing what you’re doing, don’t forget the call, the blessing of motherhood, and the wealth of those itty bitty sticky fingers wrapped around yours. We have the honor and privilege of birthing and then raising up these disciples of the Lord, getting them ready to hand back to the Lord and this is the most worthy work a woman can do in this lifetime.