The Rhythms That Shape Us In Seasons of Change
This last week I just sent my two oldest babes to school for the very first time. This “homeschool” mama was a mess! We had the perfect situation fall into our laps and the Lord ultimately led us into a new direction.
The first day was so busy, I was emotional and missing my bigs— but so were my other babes! You forget sometimes how much your kids love each other; the non stop spats here and there over toys and who got the bigger snack can distract from how much they all really enjoy each other and spend their lives with each other.
The twins asked, “where’s bubba and sissy?!” A million times, and I wasn’t used to them needing so much more of my attention. It was fun because I was able to have more focused time with them, but it was busy!
My only goal for that first day was to have a clean kitchen and an afternoon snack ready for the kids as they returned home for the day. Impossible I know, but we prevailed! Shout out to this bluey play doh set for getting the twins through that last hour!
I was so excited to see them when Cam walked in the door with them, and they felt the same! They both ran into my arms and we hugged a big long hug. I’m glad that my kids are as sappy as me, I have zero regrets about the always and forever, never ending snuggles! Sitting down at the table with a clean and bright environment around us, snacking from our quick but cute little snack tray was everything I knew it would be. This moment of reconnection, slowing down, enjoying each other and sharing about our day brought us together after everyone’s coming and going.
There’s just something about food, no matter how extravagant or simple, that really brings people together and allows us to let our guard down. I don’t know what it is, maybe the practical fact that you’re physically engaging with something else so you just are relaxed but I love it and it’s my favorite “trick”. If you ever want my husband to talk, sit down with a bag of pistachios and a deck of cards, before you know it, it’s 2AM and everyone’s crying. Just kidding, kind of.
Have you ever noticed though, those practical tools that help people settle in and engage with the environment and people around them? It all matters, the work you are doing in your homes. The mood you are setting, that decor, the quiet worship music in the background, the excuses for someone to linger, the table you’re setting for a feast. Our hungry children need us to lead them to the food.
My oldest daughter is very quiet. She’s selective with who she feels safe with, and even among those people she’s not quick to speak up. I had her in mind when I knew I needed something for us to gather around right when the day was over. I didn’t want to put it off, or wait for bedtime to try and connect. I want to instill in them both, but especially her, that our home is a refuge and a safe place, where she can open up, and also breathe . I watched as she snacked away on some popcorn and colored on the coloring pages the twins and I had printed out earlier. I’d ask her a question here and there and she would answer, but mostly was focused on the things in front of her. But I was there, I was listening, and I was slowly telling her heart I want to connect with her, I want to know what’s on her heart and in her life. I’m consistently there to listen and to affirm the truth that she matters and she has a voice. Especially if you have a busy life, or multiple kids, you know how important it is to drive this home to their sweet little hearts.
These routines and rhythms speak loud over time, and they may not seem like much but they create space for connection and vulnerability, when our kids are ready to talk and open up, when they realize they need us, they will know where to find us because we set the table for them over and over in our words and with our time and action. Our consistency in making ourselves known and available makes us the ones they turn to when they are in need. It’s in this place we can point them to Jesus, set the standards for healthy relationships and affirm their place and voice in this unsteady world.
I think of Naaman the leper. If you are familiar with the story he dips himself into the Jordan seven times, and then he’s healed. I always wonder what was going through his mind, imagine being on dip four or five and opening your eyes as you come up out of the water, and still nothing, but then at just the right time, just as the Lord said after that seventh time he is healed.
I think a lot of parenting feels like you are living in that place around the fourth or fifth dip. You are doing what you know you’re supposed to do, you’re sticking it out, but it’s hard to believe it’s doing anything, or going to “work”. Then at just the right time, as we consistently walk in faithfulness and obedience to what the Holy Spirit has spoke to us, and led us to, as we dip again, He shows up faithful and we get to lay hold of these golden moments in parenting that don’t just happen by chance. They are a result of continued obedience, small and consistent, they are a gift and they are the fruit of partnering with the Lord in this parenting journey over and over. Please don’t be discouraged when your kids don’t want to talk, or pray, or listen to that Bible story or whatever it is. Don’t give up, stay the course and continue to do those small everyday things the Lord would have you do, because if our kids can believe that we are always there for them, that we are a consistent point of connection, how much more can we show them that that’s who the Lord is to and for them. Our consistent love and action makes room for fruit in their lives and our relationships with our children.
I read this sad statistic once that there’s something like an average of 37 minutes a day that a family has of quality time together. And if you ask me, that’s a rip off!
Family is the point, this is the blessing we have here on this earth, God gave us family and he wants us to enjoy it, to slow down and to love well and intentionally. Sometimes life is busy and I really get that, but our goal and our hearts long to build a great culture in our home, this is our first and greatest ministry, and it just might take more than a half an hour a day.
So that’s the why for my routines. I used to be so against them, is that a charismatic thing? Like somehow if we have any form of structure in our lives we aren’t leaving any room for the leadership and spontaneity of the Holy Spirit? I know it’s not true, but it can feel that way sometimes.
The reality is we have limited time, and if you have a busy life, even more so! So we have to tell our time where to go, and we need to make the most of it. Sometimes the most wonderful and spontaneous moments are able to happen because the rest of our lives and time are in order, there’s actually room for it.
And to be clear I’m not saying that work is bad, sometimes, often times in our home togetherness is actually working together. We have chickens, rabbits and garden as much as we can. We have a small home for our size and many people, that makes a mess! This life takes lots of work and sometimes connection means whistling while we work alongside each other. One of our family values and “mantras” we all know and say often to remind one another is “We Stick Together”. We apply this to so much throughout our lives, when in public, on a hike, for safety and for connection, we stick together.
As a family we have grown to love this particular liturgy:
I used to really not like them for the same reasons above, but I’ve found so much joy and freedom in these grounding prayers that we say together, that cause us to pause and reflect, and can inspire a moment from the Lord we maybe wouldn’t have made time for without the built in structure or routine.
In the mornings everyday before they get in the car I bless them. Just a quick blessing before they go, that their spirits and hearts would be reminded that as they go the Lord is with them, and that they are loved. This is one more anchor for us, and this has been my favorite. I love it because I can see how it ministers to our oldest son. He expects it, he waits for it, he gives me the sweetest look in the eyes and smiles while I pray for him and send him on his way— always followed by a “see ya later alligator!”
These are the things I know he will remember, and I know he takes with him when we walks out of that door. He may not be in the home but he knows who he is, and where he belongs, and he will carry that as he leaves. These are the important points that root and ground us, that establishes our culture and maintains relationship as life changes and these babies get just a little bit older. It’s happy and it’s sad, but I’m so proud to be their mama, to take up the call that Jesus gave to me.
These are really simple things, but I see how the Lord is using them to ground us and connect us in this busy season. Building that consistency builds something that will last, even if it feels like small beginnings. We are in a new season, and I see God’s movement all over it, but I know that I still have work to do, and I know that it’s Cameron’s and my job to establish the culture and the connection in our home.