Why Homemaking Feels So Hard (and What to Do About It)
First Generation Homemaking
I never thought I would grow up to be a stay at home wife and mom. When my husband and I found ourselves pregnant two months after marriage, I was so excited! I didn’t think much about the practicals of adding a baby to our lives, I was a teller at the time, and I even remember making plans to pump so I could return to work quickly. I didn’t love my job, in fact I quit shortly after we knew we were expecting, but I just thought being a working mom was what everyone was supposed to do. Little did I know I was. signing up for a much harder life of homemaking, filled with the worthiest of all work. Homemaking is hard period, but if you have never been shown how to keep a home and are self taught in many of the skills involved- while also walking this road with little outside support, it can feel more burdensome than a blessing at times- even if it’s not true. Thankfully we can do hard things, especially home making, and I have found that the Lord meets me most in the faithful and diligent work of the mundane, everyday life. Homemaking feels hard because it is hard.
unrealistic expectations in the Age of Social Media can Make Homemaking Feel Harder than it is
How many times have you taken a cute photo of your kids playing in the house, only to first kick away a pile of toys, dirty laundry, or leftover snacks on the floor? If you and I are both doing that, then don’t you think the perfect instagram moms are doing it too? Social media is not meant to showcase the bad and the ugly, just the good. It is helpful, it is entertaining, but it is not complete. Even if it was, it would still give us a glimpse into someones full life we were never meant to have. Other people’s stories are beautiful, but we can forget that we are not meant to be just like others. Similar, sure! Do others challenge me in their parenting, their intentionally, education and prayerfulness over their children, absolutely! But even still, I have my own race to run, my own babies to raise and who I am, and who my children are designed to be are very different than you or any other person. Too much attention- or meditation rather, on any one person, or parenting trend, can just distract us from our own call and cloud the voice and leadership of The Holy Spirit in our lives. Is Scripture shaping and influencing your home and family culture more than social media? If not you could be the reason homemaking is harder than it ever needs to be. It does a disservice to us and the people we are comparing ourselves to if we use their stores to heap shame and comparison on ourselves. It is important in the hard work of homemaking to take an honest survey of our hearts often and ask the Lord to search us for comparison, discontentment and coveting of our neighbor. It’s not an easy thing to just tell you to “knock off” but it is an easy thing to pray honestly and openly to the Lord.
Constant Interruptions Stretch us Thin and Contribute to the Difficulties of Homemaking
From our first moment of waking until we lay our head down (and sometimes a few times or more through the night– hello nursing moms) there is work to be done and multiple things pulling at us. It can feel like we are in a constant loop of dishes, laundry, meals, sibling quarrels and homeschooling, and that may be because we are. how many times in one day does your sink look like this? For me it’s at least four, and Lord willing I’ve got it empty before bed. Because the work of the home never ends, we don’t need our focus to be “finishing” as much as we need it to be “focusing”. What are my goals for the day? What do my kids need from me? How can I make my husband feel seen in all of His hard work for our family? Is there anything that is time sensitive and has to be completed? Because our work is never done, we need to prioritize to help lift the burden off of ourselves. If my focus is only on making sure the living room is spotless I’ll never be done, and I’ll also neglect other areas of our home and family. Homemaking feels hard but if we can have base reset and be ok with cleaning something maybe 1-2 times a day, or week depending on the area- we can put our focus on more and important areas of our family. You are the keeper and cleaner (probably) of your home but you were not made to be just a housecleaner, your call is far greater than that and its ok to let a little mess spill over for a bit. This of course is a balancing act because as we all know when the house gets too messy or chaotic that lends to the enviernment. In the same way too much focus on one detail such as a clean family room can make your job as a homemaker feel harder, too little focus on it will do the same. It really is about balance.
Isolation and Loneliness
Sometimes we are in a season where aren’t having people over all the time or meeting up at the park just wont work. Maybe you have a small newborn and strict schedule, maybe you are in a new place and you are still building friendships, maybe you don’t want that kind of community yet. It is easy to say get it over and be the friend you want to have. I think this is true and most people need to hear this at some point, but the reality is for one reason or another you may find yourself lonely and isolated for a season. This makes homemaking hard because as people we were never meant to live alone. Our husbands go off to work and provide for us and we are home with our sweet babies and it is the best, but sometimes we long for a mom, a friend, a sister in the same season to do life with together. This is how most people lived before we became this super private and individualistic culture, so it makes sense that we struggle with this. When I can’t have a friend over, and theres no one to meet up with, when that friend tank isn’t getting filled, I even more need to lean into the Lord and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit. Is your home filled with Worship music? If not, give it a try, see how much singing your way through your homeschool and housework changes your day. Is there a friend that popped into your mind? Pray for them and send them a text, or dare I say give them a call. Do you pray in tongues? Because let me tell you my dishes on loop are when I do some of my best praying, and when its two o clock and I’m zoning out you better believe I’m praying in tongues until I see the bottom of that sink. Jesus wants to be invited into our homes. He is near to us to lift the burden of homemaking, the things that make it feel hard, and walk with us through them.
He Will Renew Your Strength
I was reading my Bible this morning. I got to sneak downstairs while Cam was getting ready for work and had a solid forty minutes to myself in silence downstairs. It is so worth the early wake up. I didn’t think I had it in me a year ago to do it, and I would roll my eyes at the moms who would boast about their early quiet time, but I promise you friend, it is worth it and if you carve our a pocket of time, even if it is 15 minutes the Lord can use it. He sees you shift your gaze to Him and He meets you where you are at, however much it is you have to give Him. I am going through Isaiah right now and this verse made my heart absolutely leap this morning. “He will lead His flock like a Shepard; He will gather the lambs in His arms; He will carry them in His bosom, and gently lead those with young.” Is. 40:11 esv. God has what I need. He is full of wisdom and understanding. He knows the path He has for me and my babies. It is up to me to ask, to make myself available and to listen when he guides me. But he is so near to you in your need. He is gentle with you, as you lead your young. I pray that you look to Him this week as you find hardships in your homemaking, and that you invite him into your messy, loud, chaotic home. I pray that you find three minutes on your couch next to a pile of laundry and old banana to hear His still small voice and a whisper of His word. If you are in a season where you feel like to need some extra encouragement I cannot recommend these two devotionals enough, Whitney from Brighter Day Press is a great resource for motherhood and homeschooling from a biblical world view, her devotional is so encouraging and will point you straight to Jesus. All of Sally Clarckson’s books and resources are a treasure trove for believers, particularly mothers, and her Mom Heart Moments has been a favoite in my home since it came out a handful of years ago.
This is Your Family and you set the Culture
It may feel overwhelming and unrelated to try and d all the things: homeschool, discipline, discipleship, housework, personal development, study the Word, and on and on and on. What if God knew the purpose and design of your family, and He had a way for it all to fit together? In this post I talk about how I invited my son into my housework, and God used it as moment for connection, for instilling values, for doing the practical tasks, and hearing His voice. God is using all our life for His glory. If we are available and surrendered to Him, He wont waste anything and you wont miss anything, You don’t have to carry the heavy burden of homemaking by yourself. Homemaking is hard and Jesus is here to be your strength, your wisdom, your guide and leader.
You’re not alone in feeling this way. Homemaking isn’t easy—it’s sacred, exhausting, beautiful, and stretching all at once. If it feels hard, it’s not because you’re failing. It’s because you’re doing important work, often without applause. But you don’t walk this road alone. God sees, strengthens, and sanctifies you right in the middle of the mess. What makes Homemaking feel the hardest for you? How are you going to invite the Lord into your homemaking this week? Let me know in the comments, Praying for you this week!
👉 In the next post, I’m sharing the 5 simple homemaking routines that help bring peace to our days.
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